OOPS!!!!!

My friend Jen, sent me this today and i nearly fell off my chair reading it, i haven't stopped giggling all afternoon..so i thought i would share it with all of you................................................................................................................................................................... Father of one of my children?? I was in the supermarket and noticed an attractive woman waving at me. She said hello. I’m rather taken aback because I can't place where I know her from. So I said, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now my mind travels back to the only time I have ever been unfaithful to my wife and I said, "My God, are you the stripper from my stag party that I made love to on the pool table with all my mates watching, while your partner whipped my backside with wet celery???" She looks into my eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Suddenly I see...................

Reminds me of my darling Emily...i miss her so much, every time i hear it i can see her face and i miss her more and that makes me sob (much to my embarrassment when i let out a huge sigh in the car and Gary got quite concerned and then laughed at me when i told him that the song makes me cry.)..Now, dont get me wrong in thinking that i dont miss Brayden, I do, very much..I think it's because Emmy is the only girl and we had a nanna/grand-daughter kind of bond . AND to say we are not gutted TOTALLY GUTTED to hear that Hayley and the cherubs wont be home in 3 weeks for Luke's 21st (and Evan's 3rd on the same day!) is an understatement.. I was beside myself with excitement that they would be here for a whole week and then Hayley rang to let me know she wasn't allowed to come down and probably wont be back at all this year...all i could say on the phone was 'aha..oh..ok..' then hung up and bawled like a baby..Sometimes i feel like i should just fly up there and kidnap them all and bring them home to us, where they belong...but i cant do that... Back to the song LOL.................. Her face is a map of the world Is a map of the world You can see she's a beautiful girl She's a beautiful girl And everything around her is a silver pool of light The people who surround her feel the benefit of it It makes you calm She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see, lalallalalalallallalalallalallalallalalallalallalalalallalllalalla..you get the idea LOL I did these 2 layouts at SWIG (bev's class..thanks bev)...I just love them...

RAK NEWS.....

i have finished the RAKS (well all but 2 of them lol) so shall try to post them out to you this week, but will let you know when they actually do go in the post..now the big decision..hmmm do i take a photo and put them in here?? or just let you stew for a week LOL

how frustrating

I have been without bloglines for 3 days now..so tonight i uninstalled it and NOW I CANT FIND THE BLOODY DOWNLOAD SITE arrghh i am going slowly insane..all my feeds were on it....i've read a few threads, lots of people all around the world having trouble..so if you have the link to bloglines download..please please either leave it here in comment or email it to me..I THINK GOOGLE HATES ME....

i think i killed a chinaman

To say i've had a shit of a week is an under-statement. I think, i not only run over the chinaman but buried his body on top of all the other chinamen i ran over!!.. I had a phone call from the school yesterday, Aaryn was mucking up yet again, this time though, he had overstepped the mark by calling a Special Ed girl, dumb and stupid..so off I went like the good mother one want's to be to the principals office. (I was so glad the new deputy was there, the other deputy drives me mental, i always feel like i should hand him a mirror so he can look at himself, his nicname is Ken so that gives you an idication of what he's like). Anyway after a lot of OMG i am so ashamed of you Aaryn, I thought you would know better.. blah blah..(considering his brother was in the SEU for ages).. I looked at him firmly and said..I simply cant believe that you would torment and tease, not just an SEU student BUT a little girl..WELL, he squared his shoulders, stood up and said in a very loud voice...LITTLE??? LITTLE??? she's big and huge and FAT and way bigger than me..she is certainly NOT LITTLE..and anyway she choked me first..." I couldn't look at his teacher, all i could see was his teachers shoulders moving up and down, nothing was said..the deputy was looking out the window, his shoulders were moving..I had to stand there, not move, not laugh, and try to take control of the situation, all i could mutter was.."oh, ok"..once his teachers had controlled themselves, I asked if anything was being done about the bullying, ie: aaryn being stabbed, thumped, CHOKED almost on a daily basis..SO finally they are looking into that..the girls mother was due in after me to discuss her daughter choking aaryn, i certainly wasn't hanging around to confront her (i know the family, lets say, the girl takes after her mother and she's very scary and yes I'm a chicken)..I asked the deputy if perhaps the school councillor could have a chat to the little snot as i am at my wits end with him..SO, got home, was getting ready for dentist, and he rings, had a nice long chat, few tears, etc, and he now wants me to take Aaryn to the paediatrician as with all the things the school have told him and with what we discussed ,it looks like Aaryn has Asperger's Syndrome too (so that makes all my boys!). I had thought it in my head for quite a while, but because he's not like the other 2 sort of full on etc, I assumed he had sort of copy cat syndrome, to get attention..but, now i'm not so sure. SO..ring the paediatrician, cant get it until july, but that's ok, the councillor is going to do me up a letter, so it wont take too long to reach the diagnosis (Cam took 3 years!!)..SO that was the icing on the cake....I've finished work for the week, so my weekend has officially started! so lets hope, it's a good one and next week is a new week!!

push??

I am so going to try this LOL' Sometimes You've Gotta Love Drunk People...... A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door! where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?" asked his wife. Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 o' clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!" Well, you have a short memory," s! ays his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" Yes" comes back the answer. Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband. Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk aahhhhh just kills me that does LOL LOL

SWIG what a weekend!!!

Ok, i'm back, had so much on yesterday with visitors and phone calls that i totally forgot to come back LOL i do hope your 'refreshments' haven't gone stale lol (and yes, i think i can guess who you are miss anonYmous LOL).. I was well prepared, all my packs were made up, i am going to do 5 monthly challenges, 3 aussles and a complete 9x9 album for lukes 21st and 3 classes!! (bear that in mind!!) This would have to be the best swig i've been to yet (oh ok, i've only been to 3 but i really enjoyed this one!!).. The company was fantastic..such funny ladies (you can interpret 'funny' whichever way you like, you wont be wrong LOL)..oh it would take me forever to account what naughty girls we can all be!! I think the funniest thing that happened was when i made poor Bev choke at dinner..diet coke looks hilarious coming out of someone's nose..we were laughing so hard, i did nearly lose my teeth, but Jackie was so intent on laughing at Bev she didn't notice (1 UP for me hehe)..I guess your wondering how i made poor Bev choke??? dare I tell you?? Well shall we say that the most adorable Miss Ginny, who i totally love dearly aS she is my partner in crime in most things i do (and i've only met her twice lol) can do a certain trick involving her boobies...we were then discussing why we couldn't do that trick..boobies not big enough etc, when i only said..that i tried to do it once then realized i was licking my stomach!! that's all i said..next thing i know, poor Mrs Watt, is choking..well that will teach her to drink when i speak wont it LOL.. I dont know why people also think that Miss Ginny and I are addicts?? we dont sell our mersyndol to anyone and is it my fault i am the only one prepared and has a drug for any occassion?? LOL..ask poor Chrissy, (who had an allergic reaction to something and resembled Melanie Griffiths after an horrible reaction to Botox!!) who do they come running to?? ah yes!! that would be ME, resident chemist LOL..claratyne to the rescue and Chrissy was much better..headache?? come to Tess or Ginny..why even when Virginia was choking and gasping for breath, i calmly said to her, i have ventolin if you need it..resulting in her choking all the more LOL..oh yes, i'm well known for my being prepared.. i think the highlight of my weekend was when Wonderful Wendie (i think she's wonderful, she says nice things about me lol) said she loved my accent and thought i talked posh..then..she ruined it by saying..then she got to know me and realized i was not posh (she is NOT getting any mersyndol from me!!) .. I was the photographer for Chrissy, Tracey and Mandy, took a few pics of them and GOD only knows how Tracey got her camera off me and managed to get me to actually muck about and pose in photo's for Chrissy, that would have to be a first ..can't wait to get the pics!!... How much scrapping have i gotten done by this stage..um..3 aussles (one of those was 9x9 for lukes album) and 2 pages for lukes album!! 3 classes..consisting of 4 layouts all up and 1 photo frame..1 layout started!!! (um, started this layout at 8.30 am saturday morning!)..ok onto story.. I spent so much time laughing with Ginny, there are absolutely just too many stories to tell (and some i simply cannot repeat!!she has the naughtiest teddy bears!!), all i can say is I am truly suffering now..(You see, when i laugh, my teeth rub my gums just a little bit, resulting in ulcers under my plate..)...back to story lol..Saturday night, i proudly told Ginny i was coming out of the closet for her!! yes indeed..shocked aren't you??? well, i did..actually, I had to wash my paintbrushes and the sink was in a sort of small room resembling a large closet, i had the door shut, Ginny called out to me and yes..I came out of the closet to see what she wanted!!! (and you thought WHAT?? lol).. How much scrapping?? same as above!!and it's now late saturday lol.. had a nice massage on my massage chair (i told you, i come prepared, but when you have a shiatsu massage chair..EVERYONE is your friend LOL) then tried to do some scrapping..but Ginny and everyone else, kept distracting me and making me laugh, then to top it off some of them got dressed up as very odd characters..Christine/beryl Skipper and Gilligan..Chrissy/tracey Sonny and Cher, Bev/Wendy doctor and patient (and god help us, Bev was the doctor, no wonder there was so much blood!! and it was probably hers LOL) and Virginia/Tracey Raggedy Anne and Andy..(omg they were so funny i thought they were the best LOL)..anyway, because of them, i got NO scrapping done on Saturday night,...none at all..ribs, gums, face, even my ears, ached from laughing..ok taking 2 mersyndol and off to bed.. Sunday morning i was so tired i missed breakfast and snuck out about 9ish lol (well it was sunday i needed a sleep!!) and tried to finish my layout..that i had started the MORNING before..guess what..i did..and that's it.. SO much happened it's just to hard to remember everything, but i'm sure you get the idea! we are all looney.. and i'm sure the 3 swig virgins..Monika (my adopted daughter) Tracey K (virginia's friend) and Heather (who was brave and came on her own!!) wondered what the hell they got themselves into AND can't wait to get back to the next one!! BRING ON OCTOBER!!!!!!!

Guess what???

I changed my mind LOL i'm not doing a draw, i'm going to give ALL of you a RAK...yes, that's right!! all of you..most of you i have addresses for, but i dont have one for Leanne, Nic, Raech, Sam and Tammy...can you email me your snail mail and i'll get cracking on something for you all!!! Yes Michelle, even you..cant have my blog rigged now can I lol lol lol... I'll be back later, when this bloody monday morning after swig migraine has calmed down a bit, usually 3 mersyndol and 2 strong coffee's do the trick!!! My next post is going to be a bit of a Novel, so when you get your update in your bloglines LOL you might need to bring some light refreshments to get you through it ROFL (maybe you need a RAK just for staying to the end LOL)..oh Leanne..a RAK is a Random Act of Kindness, you make something and randomly give it away for no apparent reason...

COMMENT RAK

YES. I DID MEAN IT...I AM DOING A DRAW FOR ALL COMMENTORS OVER THE WEEKEND OF SWIG... ONE PERSON WILL WIN A RAK JUST BY LEAVING A COMMENT ON MY BLOG...COME ON..DONT BE SHY...I WONT BITE..well i might, just a little bit LOL

Swig time again

Well, it's here, SWIG weekend, i'm all packed and ready to go, just waiting for J to pick me up! should be an exciting weekend (they usually are). The Scrap Heap has a lot of exciting challenges happening for the non-swiggettes, with great prize incentives SO i thought to myself whilst in the shower (you didn't need to know that did you LOL), why dont i give away a little RAK to someone who isn't lucky enough to get to swig SO i will..All comments made on my blog this weekend will go into a draw and the winner will receive a surprise in the mail. HOWZAT sound?? You can comment on any post you like BUT must come back to this post and comment and let me know what other post you commented on!! Leave a joke behind too if you like.. Have fun..DO NOT LEAVE THIS BLOG WITHOUT COMMENTING or you will miss out!!!...if your watching in bloglines, then click on the link that takes you to my actual blog and COMMENT, come on, you know you want to!!! dont be a chicken!!!! Lets see how many comments are made, heck, you can leave more than one if you like LOL..the more you leave, the more entries in the draw i guess (that may be cheating but, a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do!!).. SO PEOPLE..have a great weekend, scrap hard, if your not scrapping enjoy life and i'll see you all on Monday....will announce winner on Monday too, that is, if there is a winner LOL you may not comment LOL

YOU Know your an Aussie

I've always considered myself Welsh first, Aussie second but after reading this i think i have to change my option LOL..(thanks Julie) YOU KNOW YOUR AN AUSSIE WHEN: 1. You're familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O'Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch. 2. You know that Burger King doesn't exist. It's Hungry Jacks. 3. You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it's even fake. 4. You know the difference between thongs and a G-banger 5. You know that 'stubbies' are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a 'gimp', 'bogan' or 'geezer' is a random idiot, someone in trouble is in 'strife' and you're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans 'rooting' for something.4. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc. 5. You know that some people pronounce 'Australia' like 'Strayla' and that's ok. 6. You know that there is a universal place called 'woop woop' located in the middle of nowhere... no matter where you actually are. 7. You know that while we call our friends 'mates', we don't use terms like 'shiela' and 'shrimp on the barbie', contrary to popular belief. 8. You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can. 9. You know that if a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual, and (until recently), a criminal in Tasmania 10. You resent people who succeed over others- everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a 'fair go'; a kind of 'American-dream' in reverse. This is why we actively like not liking Americans. 11. You've seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel's Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even Wolf Creek. 12. It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian... Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russle Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe... 13. One word: Skippy. 14. You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just fucking rock. 15. You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases (remote Aboriginal communities are a different matter) 16. You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don't count 1788). 17. We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and farenheit will ever offer 18. You drive on the left-hand side of the road. 19. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. 'Hit and runs' just aren't cricket. Because aussies stick together. 20. You think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy. 21. You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent, and for some bizzare reason, think that they invented pavlova. Bastards. They are to be pitied and laughed at. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations. 22. You know that you can't eat Fantales alone... Otherwise who will you play the 'Who am I...' game with when you're reading the wrapper? 23. You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole. 24. You know that Americans think we're all Steve Irwin clones. And crickey, they couldn't be more wrong. 25. You know that Lawyers wear wigs and gowns. And we make it look good. 26. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume. 27. You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread... and actually grow to like it. You've also squeeze Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms. 28. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol' Johnny Howard 29. You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't). 30. You have the ability to compress several words into one - ie 'g'day' and 'd'reckn?'. This allows more space for profanities. 31. You've ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it. 32. You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad. 33. The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories. 34. You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not. 35. You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can't imagine your childhood without it. 36. You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don't know what 'girt' means. And you're ok with that. 37. You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a tim tam. 38. You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the 'one bounce, one hand' rule always applies. 39. You know that we are home to the just about all of the world's deadliest of animals. That's why if anybody messes with us we'll get some funnel webs on their asses. 40. You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don't scorn.... because you're doing it too. 41. You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy. 42. Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story .43. You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, 'she'll be right, mate'. 44. You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of goon... but you can't remember. 45. You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours. 46. You've ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL 47. You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup. 48. You know how to slip, slop, slap like it's nobody's business. 49. You've heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as 'un-Australian', and that's enough to make us sit down and shut up. 50. You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alchohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday. And right now you feel bloody awesome !!

LUCKY ME

well it's not a car, but it's a win LOL, i was lucky enough (with 2 other's) to have a canvas made by Michelle (link in sidebar). I love it!! It's the divine Miss Em of course!! lol..

THANKS EVER SO MUCH MICHELLE, i cant wait for the camel train to get here with it!!!!

LUCKY BOY!!

HOW LUCKY!! my brother won a car..he gets it this week after it's had a full HSV body kit put on it! SO very proud of him, he deserves a bit of luck (now i wish he would pass some onto me!!)

I was the first person he rang (cos i'm speshal!! lol) NOW all we need is for him to drive it up to sunny qld so i can rev the guts out of it LOL

The Outback Rover Returns!

WOW what an adventure! Heat, Dust, Flies, flies, flies and lots more flies!! but oh so worth it, just for the 'outback' experience! Flying, would have been faster (and yes, next time i'm flying!) BUT, in the boys words.... This is the BEST holiday EVER! They were so well behaved on the drive to Mt Isa, we were gobsmacked! lol..it must have been the investment of the incar dvd player, with 2 screens and inbuilt games player! (we had a problem with the games LOL, Aaryn, can't play the PS2, without, moving, jumping and mouth action, which simply doesn't work when you are strapped in a car! HILARIOUS wasn't the word! he managed ok though LOL and yes, got photo's). It's the first time, we've ever gone on a trip without getting lost (just keep going north, then head west! LOL) and made it in record time! We had a night in Rockhampton, (complete with train loading station right behind our cabin, which the lady on phone forgot to tell me about!), a night in Longreach (directly opposite the airport and on the highway, which the lady forgot to tell us about LOL) and 3 nights at Argylla in Mt Isa (which was perfect!! no noise at all). All went very smoothly, no faults with the car (a first!) except for perhaps one speed freak husband who when told by the 'speedo and talking clock on the back seat aka Cameron' that if he didn't slow down, he would get into trouble, kept telling Cam that we were in the outback and there wasn't a cop for miles!!! oh is that so??? so what's this then??? chopped liver?? LOL.. looks very much like a COP to me!! He wouldn't let me take the photo (the cop that is oh and gary too LOL) so i hid, much to Cameron's disgust, behind my seat and took it through the back window!! as if it wasn't bad enough having a speed freak, law breaking father, Cameron was mortified to have his mother 'break the law'too, by taking the photo! Hayley was absolutely dumbstruck when we rocked up at her place a day early!! (after ringing her 5 minutes before landing at her place to tell her we were in Longreach LOL). Well worth the secret, just to see her burst into tears!!

Will update with more details after dinner! so much to tell, so little time (and only 345 photo's taken tut tut tut!!)