no title cos i cant think of one!

It's been a bad week, so i'm not going to blog for a few days. Just dont feel like being the 'clown' for a few days. Still feeling really bad for my friend Maree, who's 7 yr old nephew was killed in a house fire near here on wednesday morning. Too close to home that! and now, the phone call we've been dreading to tell us that Tarsha has indeed got cancer, it's confirmed in her spleen and she's had bone marrow testing done etc to find out the extent of it. They are thinking it's in her lymph glands (nodes?) and possibly liver/kidneys and bladder. Prognosis is NOT good, Poor Sandi, she's really had a tough year with cancer. Her mother has only been out of hospital perhaps 3 months after having bowel surgery etc (they lost her a few times on the table but she soldiered on) she has colon cancer, did the chemo thing and everything looked fine then, this week she too was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. she's elected to have oral chemo this time and surgery is NOT an option apparently! DOES THIS CANCER THING EVER STOP?????? I hate cancer, i just hate it, hate what it does to the patient and hate what it does to those who have to cope with it. HATE IT....and I hate that smoking contributes and I hate that people i love STILL smoke (yes, you know I mean YOU!!!) and I just HATE a lot of things today, I hate that I have to watch my friend go through the agony of losing her daughter, now that she has at last found her so to speak. I hate that after so many years of searching, Tarsha has finally, grown up, found happiness and started to become 'human', to have it all ripped away from her with one diagnosis.And I hate more than anything, that there isn't a damn thing I can do to make it all ok for my friend. and i think more than anything else too, that i hate that it happens at this time of the year, when we should all be filled with happiness. Even though, Sandi has told us, we are NOT to be upset about it all etc, because it's christmas, you still get that little bit of good old catholic guilt (oh yes, us catholics are good at feeling guilty!!!) just because you start to feel yourself smile, laugh or be happy. and now, i'm going to sit with my boys, count my blessings and watch bridge to teribithea with them (just listening to them laughing has made me smile a bit, i love to hear them laugh!) and try to forget for a moment of the 'horrors' of life and enjoy the NOW with them! thanks for listening (reading).. TTFN